You Have Two Cows…

I recently stumbled upon this and thought I’d share it with everyone. I used to have a very similar list hanging on my cubicle wall probably about 12 years ago — back when I had time to actually print something funny, get out the tape, and stick the pieces of paper on the wall. Ah, those were the days. 🙂

Anarchism

You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.

Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Communism

You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.

Democracy

You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Dictatorship

You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.

European Unionism

You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that “limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows.” You sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.

Fascism

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Feudalism

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Industrialism

You have two cows. You dissect them both and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead.

Liberalism

You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes one of the cows from the rich and gives it to the poor.

Libertarianism

Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.

Nazism

You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.

New Dealism

You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes.

Political Correctnessism

You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of unspecified gender.

Redistributionism

You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.

Socialism

You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbor.